**WARNING - rape and molestation - please read with care**
I share my own sexual trauma with you because I want you to know that it doesn’t matter if you were raped at 14, molested at 3 or experienced sexual abuse every day in your past relationship, healing is possible!
They say we often go through our own hurt and trauma so that we can help others be seen, understood and heal. I firmly believe this to be true for myself.
I help women heal from sexual trauma because I understand, first hand, how debilitating it can be for your mental and physical health, your relationships and your overall happiness.
At only 14 years old, the first time I experienced sex, I was rapped by my boyfriend's 21 year old best friend. I had completely dissociated from my body and felt as though I was "floating above" watching the entire experience happening to me. And because I didn't say no at any time, it took me many years to realize that he did, in fact, rape me. He had used his authority and age over me to get what he wanted. And that, my dear sister, is the definition of rape.
That incident quickly started a journey where I would turn to sex in order to find 'love' and attention from men.
After over 20 sexual partners, and never actually enjoying sex, I would finding myself faking it so I could do what felt best for him, because the more I pleasured him, the more he'd 'love me.' I remember sex actually being quite painful for me but a place where I finally felt "love and connection."
However, this would only last a very short time and then quickly be followed by feelings of shame and guilt.
I did a lot of deep, deep work on my past sexual experiences and at 33, was happily married to my best friend. When suddenly, I was having flashbacks to when I was 3 years old. I had been molested by a family member. Uncovering those memories almost broke me and my marriage. It shoved a wedge between me and my husband as I would be triggered back to those moments of being a child by him simply touching or kissing me.
I share all of this with you, not for your sympathy, because I'm thankful for that abuse as crazy as it sounds. It led me to where I am today, doing this work and helping other women experience their own healing journey. And because I want you to know, I understand. I understand the frustration, just wishing you were "normal", wanting nothing but to be able to enjoy being intimate with the person you love instead of constantly finding reasons and excuses to push them away. I understand looking for love in all the wrong places, feeling insecure and thinking sex, and your body, is the way to get a man to love you. I understand the feelings of shame, guilt and despair that come with living an unhealed life filled with trauma and sadness.
When I was only 3 years old, my power had been taken away from me, and I knew, the only way I would heal from that was is if I reclaimed that power myself.
So I dove within. I reawakened my powerful Womb. I cleared out all the memories, trauma and emotions from her. And together, we unlocked this incredibly joyful life filled with deep inner love and pleasure!